Moving Forward

Auckland was the first major city in the world to ring in the New Year (although Sydney made strides to steal their thunder).  The fireworks went off, the bands played, and citizens of the world woke up the next morning to start the New Year a little groggier than they may have hoped.  We are now in a new decade and many folks are making resolutions for the year to come.  Some are giving up eating chocolate, or drinking coffee, and others will be putting 25 cents in a jar every time they curse.  Every year, I make a resolution not to make a resolution. My goal is simply to move forward.

The other day I went out to an “Asian Fusion” restaurant with my sister and she handed me a fortune cookie.  The auspicious message read, “Soon you will be sitting on top of the world.”  Now, New Zealand is certainly not on top of the world.  In fact, if the world was a human body, the islands would be something like a Fibula / Tibia combo.  Yet, the thrill of the unknown and the exhilaration of an island nation far away have me riding pretty high.

Nevertheless, the fear is beginning to set in…  With three weeks until I leave on a jet plane not knowing when I’ll be back again, I find that I am questioning my motives.  As I face the fact that I must tell my new friends that I have made here in Manassas, Virginia that I am leaving, I am forced to answer questions to which I have no good answers.  The conversations go something like…

“What? Where are you going?”

“New Zealand”

“Huh? Do you know anyone there?”

“No”

“Do you have a job?”

“No”

“What language do they even speak there?”

“Australian… it’s similar to English”

“Wait… why are you going?”

“I’ve always wanted to, so I am making it happen”

“How much does it cost… can I come?”

This ritual is becoming all too familiar: meeting new friends, getting close, and then leaving.  These new friends are jealous that I can wander about with so little attachments and I am jealous that they are so content to be attached.  There is the world that you live in and the world that you dream to live in.  Often times, when you start to live the life of your wildest dreams, you find yourself longing for the familiarity and comprehensibility of the life that you’ve left behind.  As a traveler and a constant dreamer, I find myself living for the dream, running from the reality, and longing for a connection on either end.  Complacency scares me, stability bores me, and my end goal eludes me.  So for now, I keep on running towards an uncertain future in hopes that, in the process, I will find the answers to questions that I never even thought to ask.

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2 thoughts on “Moving Forward

  1. You’re doing what I’ve always wanted to do but was not brave enough to do. I admire your strength and will to do what your heart tells you. Sally

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